Today was a fine day by any measure my mind can muster. Part of me feels like it might be getting old for people to read about how I went fishing, read, wrote, and created music – which are all the things that I did again today! The sweet sounds of rolling thunder filled my dreams last night as a predicted storm actually came to fruition. The booms were loud enough to wake me at one point, and I almost reached over to grab my phone to make sure there wasn’t a tornado or something on the way, but my tired mind never completed that thought loop and was fast asleep within seconds.
A bit groggy but not completed out of sorts, I grabbed my morning coffee and spent a good amount of time watching the fog blow across the lake, thinking about everything and nothing. I knew I wanted to fish, but also knew that I didn’t have the necessary drive for preparing a boat to go out on the lake in just yet, so I meandered down to the pontoon for the shore fishing.
A couple of the local twenty-something guys dropped by my lazy man fishing setup to make small talk as they awaited a tow truck. One of the guys was ex-Army, had been a heavy equipment operator for his part, now owns his own company and was doing some excavating work for the camp ground when the Bobcat bulldozer got swamp stuck. The conversation was light and fun, each of us telling our war stories, what we missed and what we hated. Their tow truck showed up some 30 minutes later, an eternity by small talk measures. The boys went back to their excavating and I continued to fish but not catch – I did some catching later in the afternoon in the row boat (the beautiful thing about an overcast day is that the fish will bite all day long if you can find them).
Something interesting occurred to me this afternoon as I was making my latest podcast intermission song. When I’m at work, I attack problems by deconstructing the issue at hand and then rebuilding it piece-by-piece. When I’m writing or creating music, my approach is much less planned. Beyond a line or two burning in my brain, everything I create is very present to who I am and what I’m feeling in that moment. Slight shades of embarrassment color my face in the realization that these thoughts are just now being seen by me.
Listen to my music and you’ll be able to tell what kind of a mood I was at that moment, the stumbling block that led me down this path to realization. I’ve made 3 songs since I’ve been up here and they are calm, and they are happy, and they are me feelins. I’ve been searching for ways to try and be more in the moment, “live in the present,” and it’s been here all along, just never been counted for what it is. Presence, the thing I want most for myself, is hidden within the hobbies that I naturally want to do more of but haven’t. The hobbies that I am terrified to be terrible at. The hobbies that I want to help define myself to myself. It’s deep.
On a much lighter note, guess who showed back up to camp a day early? Brianna! Apparently, she had planned on coming back a day early all along and just hadn’t told me. It was a fun surprise that goes well with intended and unintended randomnesses of my week up here. With most of the wood wet from the previous night’s rain, I had gotten the fire pit kicking with flames before Brianna’s surprise appearance, all we had to do was pull up a chair & chill by the fire, drink a couple beers & bullshit. I spent a good hour working on my newest song as we sat by the fire together. Much like dancing in the dark, these experiences have been unexpected, unplanned, and organically improvised to the nth degree, but it’s ok to plan them into existence as well, because more of this will never be enough.