The summer sprint is on! I often use living in Michigan, a land of four seasons, as my justification for being super busy during the summer. Life’s reality reminds me that not everyone in Michigan has every weekend booked solid Memorial thru Labor day, it’s a choice, not a consequence. If my biggest problem is that I’m having so much fun that I don’t have enough time to have more fun, well then what a problem to have indeed!
This past weekend was the quadrennial Urbany family reunion. I’m always anxiety struck when it comes to seeing family who I haven’t seen in many years. The invisible blood bond of a family makes me uneasy. We have a history together stretching back further than I can remember but not further back than they can remember. They’ve seen me grow, make mistakes and good decisions, they’ve seen me as I now see others in my thirty-something-year-old life. There is this deep irreplaceable relationship here… and yet, I don’t know anything about them. My people-reader tells me that they are good people and that I like them. My people-knower tells me that I don’t know what their hobbies are, political beliefs might be, or who any of their lost loves could have been. This feeling does have an exception. I did get to know one of my uncle’s quite well and betrayed him; a story for another time perhaps.
In the middle of this writing and I find myself unsure of why my family scares me so much. Am I afraid of how well they know me or am I afraid of the possibility that someone might know me that well and not like me? Or maybe I’m afraid of betraying one of the closest sources to altruistic love that there is in this life. I don’t know. None of this makes any sense. I don’t have all(any) of the answers.
I look at my friends and feel grateful for the family that I have. I look at my wife and feel ungrateful for not being closer to the family that I have.
A quarter of this conversation is, of course, poppycock. Time is at a premium during the summer sprint months, be you vegetable, mineral, family, or friend, because there is only so much time in these days. I am willing to make time for others, I’m just not always sure who those others might be.